By Niseema Dyan Diemer, LMT, SEP, BCPP
What would it mean to be truly independent? Writer Alice Miller in her book "The Drama of the Gifted Child" explores that thought as a process for self discovery. As a child you had to navigate your surroundings with little guidance but the voices and actions of the adults who were responsible for you. The words, feelings and behaviors you experienced and witnessed shaped who you are today for better or worse. In taking the time to do the following exercises inspired by Ms. Miller's book, see if you can begin to pull apart what came from outside of you to discover who you truly are.
DO Nothing. - The phrase "Be still and know" supports the wisdom of stopping and feeling. During the Pandemic you may have had some extra time: maybe you didn't have to commute or you lost your job and found yourself with more time on your hands. Were you able to Do Nothing? If not, take some time now to stop, pause and do nothing. When you do this you can begin to ask: Am I being myself? What am I dependent on? One dependency you may have is on the "inner critic." It can be a motivating voice, "I'll prove that critic wrong" or it can be debilitating "I'll never live up to the expectations put on me." What if you declared your independence from that critic? The following steps can help you do just that.
List your 5 worst traits? These can be things like, I watch too much TV, I work on too many projects at once, I'm irritable, I'm impatient, I'm lazy....
Then ask yourself the question:
Which of my parents/caregivers would say that these are terrible traits and I should fix them.
Now look at those traits and say:
These are my idiosyncracies, they arose from my environment and they are a part of my personality. Notice what happens when you being to accept those things that run contrary to what your parents wanted you to be. Notice what happens in your stomach. When we live with the words of "the critic" flooding our mind, there is little room for the still small voice, and the gut feeling.
What am I doing on a daily basis that is not me? This question encourages you to feel when you are doing something that is just not you. You might get a queasy feeling in your stomach, or you might feel resentful when you are doing it. You may have to self medicate in order to get through your day. If that's the case then get curious, ask what am I doing that is not me? Very often you will see that you are doing this thing because you are listening to "the critic."
Take ownership of every emotion you have. Not an easy step but a critical step in healing. When you take responsibility you can step into your power, grace and aliveness, learning and growing from your mistakes and your successes.
This is your journey now. You are driving the ship of your experience, independent and free!
LISTEN TO OUR PODCAST, THE POSITIVE MIND, LINKED BELOW, ABOUT THIS TOPIC AND MORE.
“You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now,
and nothing can stand in your way".
Richard Bach/Jonathan Livingston Seagull