Niseema Dyan Diemer SEP, LMT, BCPP
Sounds ironic right? One would think that to be strong and invincible would ensure survival. The catch 22 is that when your body perceives you are at war or in 'fighting virus' mode it goes into fight mode. What does the body do in fight mode? It lowers the amount of energy going to your immune system. It makes sense. When you have to fight a flesh and blood attacker then you need all of your energy resources to go to your muscles. You need cortisol to give those muscles super human strength. But super human strength will not be able to fight off the viral attack and if your body is releasing cortisol it is not releasing immune factors. You don't need immunity when fighting an attacker of slaying a dragon, or giving a presentation - you need it when you get back to a safe place, where you can rest, repair and digest the experience.
Vulnerability is often associated or coupled unconsciously with being relaxed. When I am relaxed I'm vulnerable to attack so I will be hypervigilant. How does this look? I’m walking down the street glaring over my mask at anyone who comes within 6 feet of me, especially if they are not wearing a mask. I may also avoid connecting with them at all. I may feel a rigid tension and fear in the pit of my stomach as I go food shopping and navigate with all kinds of tension and fear running through my body. I can’t be relaxed/vulnerable because someone may come too close and I will get the virus
When the attacker (virus) is unseen but you still feel under attack your body will respond the same way unless you intervene with your conscious, rational mind and make a point of recognizing when you are indeed safe.
What is Vulnerability? According to Brené Brown it’s the ability to know that you are not perfect and you are still lovable. Allowing that imperfection to be seen and not be ashamed of it. Sharing yourself, warts and all and in that sharing find connection. When we feel connected our bodies and nervous systems respond with "I am safe" and the immune system turns on.
It seems that more people now are willing to share their vulnerability. I’ve seen more celebrities on zoom without their make-up and hair done and it’s refreshing. They are showing their humanness. In being vulnerable they are connecting. Feeling connected is a big part of feeling safe and promoting a resilient immune and nervous system.
If anything good comes of all of this pain, grief and loss I hope it is this: a deeper sense of how imperfect and vulnerable we are. Maybe then we can relax the tension around being perfect and doing all the right things all the time and connect with each other in a real human way. In this you and I can experience a profound healing.
If you are fortunate enough to have a relatively safe place to rest your head, eat your meals, maybe even do your work or be creative then you are going to most likely win this 'war'. If you perseverate about all the germs and the contagion and listen to all the news about people who aren't wearing masks you will put yourself at a significant disadvantage. I’ve worked with clients who struggle with this and my guidance is to take a “relaxed aware” stance.
Relaxed and Aware at the same time is the most stable and supportive way you can be during a pandemic. You can change your orientation from scanning for danger, which may have been a habit before the pandemic, but is now your 24/7 M.O., to scanning for safety.
Some ways you can begin to scan for safety that will allow you to relax and be aware at the same time are:
Orienting - When you have arrived home or anytime you are out slow down and look for signs of nature, smiling eyes over masks, and at home look around at all the items and things that you love. Is there a photo or vase that has a special memory? Let yourself take that in. The important thing about orienting is that you move your eyes, head and neck. Take your time to breathe it in. Take some time to really notice the flower, the smile, the sun, the tree.
Support - When you sit or lay down notice that you are being supported by the chair, sofa or bed you are on. Notice the parts of your body that are making contact to that support. Notice how your body responds to this awareness of support. The earth is solid and ever present. Gravity is a constant we can rely on in this midst of chaos and crisis. If you are having trouble sleeping try sensing the support of the bed.
Knowing that you are enough - No matter what you do or don’t do, how many times you’ve washed your hands, and worn your mask, know that what you have done is enough. It’s important to allow yourself to be enough. It will cognitively signal to your body that you are safe and you are ok. Share your enough-ness with a friend. In this connection you will give your immune system an important and substantial boost.