by Niseema Dyan Diemer LMT, SEP, BCPP
with Connie Shannon
When I was in middle school a former classmate committed suicide. It was very hard to comprehend what happened. Why would a young woman see no other way to solve her problem or relieve her pain? She had left school and about 3 months later we heard the news. Looking back I know there was a lot going on for her. So much that she just couldn't bear it anymore.
Suicide is one of those words, one of those human experiences that we just don’t want to talk about. We NEED to talk about it. Cancer used to be that way, whispered or called the C word. Now there is so much innovation and awareness about cancer that it’s an open and transparent discussion.
But suicide? We don’t want to talk about that because it’s loaded with fear, shame, grief and regret. Free will is the enemy and when someone wants to commit suicide there is often no way to stop them and that is heartbreaking. Maybe this is why we think if we don’t name it then maybe it won’t happen.
Suicide is not a traditionally positive topic but it is maybe the most human one, and the more we understand about the nervous system, resilience and trauma the more we can talk about it and take care of ourselves. When I think back on the young woman who saw no other way out of her pain, I remember how isolated she was. She tried to connect and make friends but it never seemed to work and teen girls can be ruthless. Learning about relationships and how to be with each other can be the best form of suicide prevention.
If someone you love or care about says they want to end it all, they are really asking for connection, they are betraying how disconnected they are from everyone and everything. Sitting and listening closely, without judgment or fear is the best thing you can do. Breathe and slow down together, hold hands or shoulders and wait. Something will happen next and most likely that thing will be a connection to you.
Pain can be invisible, hard to articulate and that makes sharing difficult. If you believe something is not right with you, it probably isn't. If talking to friends and family is difficult, then maybe it's time for you to find a compassionate ally in a therapist. Counselors and therapists are here to help you, to empathize with you and give you the certainty that you are not alone, your pain is real and there is another way out.
Help is available from national hotlines to individual practices. Know it is OK to feel scared, sad and lost. Here are some resources to utilize, many anonymous, all confidential:
NYC Well Talk/Text/Chat 24/7. Text WELL to 65173
Call 888-692-9355 (NYC-WELL); Chat live on the website
There are also free Mental Health resources apps to help COVID related stress
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. afsp.org 800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: How It Works
Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the United States,
anytime. Crisis Text Line is here for any crisis. A live, trained Crisis Counselor receives the text and responds, all from a secure online platform. The volunteer Crisis Counselor will help you move from a hot moment to a cool moment.
Substance Abuse and Mental Heath Services Administration. samhsa.org
SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service) iis a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.